Stop Trading Connection for Productivity
It’s easy to develop a one-track mind toward success. You have goals, and if you want to reach them faster, well, that means putting in the work. This can create a productivity complex, where we feel guilty about taking any and all time off — failing to rest and leading to burnout.
But there are also smaller, more peripheral losses that occur from being a productivity zealot. You can lose track of hobbies that bring you happiness or sacrifice opportunities to experience something new. Or one I’ve noticed lately, get really bad at keeping in touch with people you care about.
It’s easy to get so into maximizing productivity that we fit maintaining personal relationships into our productivity wheel. That’s fine to an extent — we all need to be reminded to reach out to people we love, but it can be harmful to people I call your “second circle” friends. Those just outside of people you communicate with daily but who are important to you.
I want to be better this year about being spontaneous in my relationships. One of the biggest regrets people have on their deathbeds is not cultivating their relationships (the others being don’t ignore your dreams, don’t work too much, say what you think, and be happy [*]), and I don’t want to be one of those people.
Here are 4 ways I am trying to reign in my productivity for the sake of connection, hopefully in ways that lead to a more balanced life.
#1 Don’t always avoid people if they distract you. Respond in the moment and reduce access if needed.
If you’re already looking at the text, just respond. The distraction damage is already done.
I have a terrible habit of looking at a message and then writing down in my journal that I need to respond. Then I feel guilty about not getting back to them every morning when I look at my journal. It turns into a burden instead of something that brings me joy. I fear some long conversation that will derail me, but that’s silly. I’m already distracted, and I can just get it out of my mind by responding right then. If you are distracted too much, then that’s what airplane mode and/or changing your notification settings are for.
The same goes for phone calls. If you’re on a walk and think about someone — just call them. That’s what friends do.
#2 Choose whom you want to invest in and cultivate those relationships.
As much as I wish I could respond to everyone all the time, you have to prioritize your relationships. Part of being able to invest more in people you love is choosing that you want to invest in them. This is challenging work because it means admitting to yourself that some people in your life aren’t as important (at least at this stage in your life). That’s okay. Give yourself permission to love your relationships as they are and let go of a need to treat each one like they deserve your best time and attention.
#3 Work on actively appreciating your relationships.
If you’re concerned that you aren’t investing enough in your relationships, an easy way to motivate yourself is to remind yourself of the honor, privilege, and joy of having people in your life is. The best time to do this is either during a conversation or immediately after. If someone calls you and makes you laugh, try to think about the joy they are bringing you right there and then. It gets easier the more you do it, and you’ll feel energized, happier, and more connected as a result.
#4 Take time for yourself but don’t forget why you’re here.
It’s okay to have professional goals. In fact, most of us would probably benefit from defining them in greater detail, but life is about the communities we build.
I like to think my creative and professional goals are inherently reciprocal. I turn inward in order to be better outward.
Never forget that your relationships deserve your attention — just as much as your work. And not just any attention —some of your best.
